dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The power of my boobs compel you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
