Just cropdusted the office
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
