is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
