If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
