what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
