We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
