I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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