Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bring me that man meat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
