This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
