If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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