So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
