We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
