drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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