I faked an abortion last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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