that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
