her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
