i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i drank out of a bidet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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