i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
