There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
