she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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