oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
