VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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