She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
