so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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