Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
