she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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