the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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