screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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