So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
