Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
