if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
