Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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