I wish I could teleport
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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