dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
