So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
