turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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