Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I understand Curling. That high.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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