i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
