is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
