So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
