My nipple is on Facebook.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
