Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
