It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
