I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
