You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
