I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
