I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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