lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
