If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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