Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
