Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
