You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
