Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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