..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
