You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
