Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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