mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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