he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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